Ill Placed

​When I fell into poverty,
It came upon me by forces which I did not understand.
I felt sure that it was due to mismanagement of my affairs.
And in retrospect, it still appears that way.
But at the time, I was told that it was not -
I was told that the field needed to go fallow.
I have the feeling
That when wealth comes
It will come in the same way,
By forces which I do not understand.
Of course, that’s not to say I haven’t changed.
And all along, I’ve been asking questions
Of the maker of the universe.
But after all, I still do not feel smart enough,
Or strong enough.
But it seems that it must come,
Not because wealth, in and of itself,
Is better than poverty,
But because He said so.
And when it does, I think,
That it will seem, like a divinely orchestrated accident,
Or like the culmination of a paradox
Written in my flesh.
And it makes me wonder
How much of all our pride
And our self-loathing
Are ill placed.